Affairs, Emotional Affairs, Internet Affairs

A friend tipped me off to this article on affairs in Newsweek. In The Secret Lives of Wives they do a pretty good job of covering the details of all of the affairs that are taking place in America today. The article tells of busy lives, more opportunity at work, internet and cell phones aiding covert activity, no fault divorce and other factors.

The striking characteristic for me was just the matter of factness of it all. Women are screwing around on their husbands about as much as men are on their wives, pass the salt, please. I have six email accounts to cover my tracks, how 'bout them Cardinals. Pain is mentioned, but no thought is given to the damage this might do to one's own soul or the souls of those impacted by one's affair.

What isn't covered is what to do if you find yourself emotionally drawn to another and don't desire to cheat on your spouse. People are busy and work closely with the opposite sex in tense situations. This does create situations where there is a perceived intimacy from accomplishing a shared goal. How does one cry help? Just like that. HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP.

The best path is to deal with the truth. Tell your spouse, yes it will be scary, and then tell some friends who are for your marriage, get to some counseling to deal with the deeper issues and run every decision in your life through how it will impact your marriage. Be willing to make decisions which others won't understand or may even mock you for the benefit of your marriage.

The vast majority of couples who are unhappy in marriage but give themselves to the process of improving their marriage are glad they did five years later. And to quote Emily Brown, 'Affairs never solve the problems that lead to them.'

Save yourself some pain and deal with the issues in your marriage BEFORE giving into the temptation of an affair. Affairs most often cause pain for everyone involved.

Comments

[Jackie Dishner]

I found out about your site through a Google alert. And I want to say I wish these stories didn't exist. But they do, and we must face the reality. It IS hard work to keep a marriage together, but I believe it can be done. Couples who choose to work through infidelity, whether emotional, physical or both, if they get that chance, are wise. They know not the full impact of the aftermath if they choose otherwise. By the time they do, they've probably rationalized it away.

My husband had an affair, several, in fact, during our marriage. And now we are no longer married. He left me for the last women he was with before our marriage ended. He's married to her now, and, frankly, I hope it lasts. Even though, she knew what she was doing--she was his secretary and knew he was married, even helped me with gifts that I sent to him at his office, etc.--I still wouldn't wish the kind of pain I felt because of their behavior on anyone, not even them. And I wouldn't want my kids to go through that again, nor his; we were a blended family.

I no longer feel that deep pain, nor the anger, sadness and fear that accompanied it. I've learned to let that go. Better yet, I now teach classes to help women (and men) in these kinds of situations--or worse--turn such obstacles into opportuntities, so that they don't wind up bitter. If you can't turn around the marriage, at least you can turn around your life.

If any of your readers are interested in learning about it, I have a blog:

http://bikewithjackie.blogspot.com

If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to link with your site; it offers information from which my own readers might benefit.

All my best,
Jackie