Ann and I had a meaningful and enjoyable twenty-four hours away from the city. Central was a two hour conversation we had yesterday evening. More on that later.
First, we had dinner at The Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. We shared a Bucket of Boat Trash (fried shrimp, fried mahi mahi, fried slipper lobster, now we got fried blood) and some Dixie Style Baby Back Ribs. Throw in plenty of slaw and fries and we did not have room for the giant desserts they were parading around. We kicked butt on the trivia questions too. The only one we missed was, how many bottles of Dr. Pepper did Forrest have at the White House with President Kennedy. Thirteen. They had several displays of thirteen DP bottles with 10,2,4 on them around the restaurant. Nothing like a little reminder of what time we need that sugar buzz :-)
And I did know that Forrest told President Kennedy, "I gotta pee." And it was easy to guess that Marilyn Monroe's picture was on the wall in the bathroom when he went.
I brought along some good dark Sumatra coffee to have for breakfast but forgot filters. The Great Divide Lodge did have Starbuck's coffee but it was mild. So we stopped at the grocery story and picked up filters. We checked on the ice cream and they had these teeny weeny Ben and Jerry's that fit in the little freezers at the top of the little fridges they have in all the hotel rooms in Breckenridge. My son just told me that Jimmy Fallon said those freezers are so small you can't even fit any Ben and Jerry's in there. You can only fit Ben. Maybe they heard him :) So, later on I had Cookie Dough (I really like Chunky Monkey) and Ann had Cherry Garcia. But before that we had this conversation.
This was the best conversation we have had in a long time. We both shared what has been stirring around in our hearts and souls. We started from the place that we both feel disconnected from the other.
We realize that we spend more time together than almost every other husband and wife we know. We drive to and from work together six days a week most weeks. We work together. We share a common occupation, counseling and ministry. We eat lunch together almost every day. It's great to see her so much. But we haven't been talking about us. Not talking about us and spending too much time together is not a good combination. We have been together and talked a lot but we haven't talked about us. We are at this point ready to not talk to one another. So here we go...
I shared with her my internal challenges of feeling guilty at church about all of the areas I could be helping but am not. The guilt leads me to a lack of focus on what I am good at doing and primarily should be doing (counseling, supervising interns, training lay ministers, and leading groups). I also want to write more. I am not a great writer but I will write what is true and sometimes painful. I did tell Ann that we introverted depressed people make the best writers :) I want to learn more of what it takes to be a great writer. I am tired of pro sports but it has always been a part of my life. Some of the guys are good guys but there is this arrogance and posturing that I am growing weary of taking inside of myself. It will be tough to give up but I am moving towards it.
I went to hear a writer a year or so ago. His name is Sherman Alexie. He was one of the funniest men I have ever heard. He made fun of just about everyone on the planet and just had us all rolling on the floor. That was fun but what struck me most were the people there. Everyone seemed as comfortable in their own skin as any place I've been. The writers and readers seemed liked misfits who just decided to be ok with that. I liked that. A lot of us feel like misfits and spend the rest of our lives trying to fit in. I don't know that I'll ever feel like I fit in anywhere so why not just be me and not fit in. I think I'd find community there.
We talked about sex, and money somewhere in there.
Ann shared how blogging has taken away from our relationship. She is right. Since I have begun blogging I have been coming to bed later and at inconsistent times. I used to go to bed around ten every night. I write from the depths of my heart a good part of the time and also enjoying reading blogs especially ones that go deeeeeeeeeeep in the soul. She is aware of the energy I expend toward blogging and my blog friends. And she is aware that energy isn't going to her anymore.
She shared some of her dreams for the future which include doing more. I am the thinker and she is the doer. She is a truly wonderful servant and hostess. She makes a place more alive through getting things done and helping everyone there feel more alive because she is so alive. When she is the hostess everyone feels special. So I am glad that she wants to move in that direction because it is an important part of who she is. What will that mean for her counseling? God is good at not telling those things!
While she is doing more I need to take more time away from sports on TV and go sit under a tree in the Rocky Mountain Foothills. :) We'll both have more energy for the other when we are together.
It's easy to get disconnected, especially while doing marriage ministry :) In this conversation Ann and I were intentional, curious and for. We purposely kept the TV off to talk with one another about deep matters of the soul. She cared about what was going on in me and wanted to know more. I cared about what was going on inside of her and wanted to know more. I think she is special and want to join in with what God is doing in her and her with me. I like being reconnected with my wife. I want to continue growing closer with her.
