Marriages Restored

My Emotional Affair

The topic is so big. Emotional Affairs. Mine. I don’t actually know where to begin. It is 9pm now and I feel like the sun could very well be peaking over the plains and painting the Rocky Mountain foothills golden by the time I am finished. So, as much of me wants to go deaden my soul in front of the TV, I write.

We mention this in our talk, but we don’t go into much detail on it. I feel fear, shame, and gratitude as I type. Fear that I’ll be rejected for my sin; shame over having chosen another over God and my wife, gratitude that my wife of almost 19 years is in the next room and my son of 17 years is downstairs. My daughter is out doing whatever a passionate, seeking, believing, questioning 19 year-old does on a cool May evening in her new to her 1995 SUV. I am truly grateful we are still together when I almost tossed it away.

My Emotional Affair Part Two

Part 1 of My Emotional Affair
Final Chapter of My Emotional Affair
In his book, Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning quotes an old AA saying, “The more extraordinary the story the more ordinary the drunk.” That applies here as I tell about my emotional affair. I turned from God, didn’t honor my wife and I refused to suffer and sorrow. I rationalized, justified, minimized, and denied. Such are the ingredients in an emotional affair. Plus electricity.

There were times in my relationship with Rita that I just ‘knew’ I was supposed to be with her. I rationalized that I was made for her but messed it up by already being married.

My Emotional Affair, Final Chapter

Part 1 of My Emotional Affair
Part 2 of My Emotional Affair

After Rita was fired I think we went to lunch once. I saw her in a different light. She was rather normal and not gussied up. I realized that I had made an idol of her. We talked briefly every few months once she landed another job.

Ann called out of the blue one day about getting a sales job with lots of perks. We were moving to another city. I decided to go to seminary. Everything seemed to be perfect.

At that time I decided to face the fact that any relationship with Rita was getting in the way of my relationship with Ann. I vowed to not have any more contact with her.