Update: Oct 13 1330. Good discussion going on below. Check out the comments.
I received this query anonymously on a post about emotional affairs and wanted to open it up for discussion,
I am a single woman. My best guy friend is a married man. Is it possible to have a close friendship without having an emotional affair? Is it possible to have an emotional connection without going into "affair" territory?
The only people in my life who warn me about the dangers of our relationship are my married friends. I wonder if they are speaking to me out of their own insecurities.
I'd like to hear from singles and marrieds about this.
Here are my responses,
Is it possible to have a close friendship without having an emotional affair? Yes, I have female friends I can share a lot of my life with. I generally don't talk to them daily. I don't spend time alone with them. I don't share anything with them I don't share with my wife. And I never, ever forget they are female. I believe there is always sexual tension in a relationship between a man or woman. It may be stronger in some cases but it is there in some capacity.
Is it possible to have an emotional connection without going into 'affair' territory? Emotional connection can carry different meanings for different folks. I'd have to hear more to respond differently than above. Though, I must admit, the phrasing of the question makes me a tad nervous about the relationship.
The only people in my life who warn me about the dangers of our relationship are my married friends. I wonder if they are speaking to me out of their own insecurities. It may very well be they are speaking from their insecurities. Some of my insecurities come from being deeply wounded in the past in my marriage. Is it possible your married friends are speaking from past experience and possess wisdom in this area? I don't apologize for taking my relationship with my wife seriously nor for addressing any threat to my marriage, whether it is intentional or unintentional. If that makes me insecure then I am insecure. It sounds like your desire for this relationship may be above board. Yet, most every affair starts out this way. Very few folks say, "I am going to cheat on my spouse." I have received a number of emails from good women such as yourself who've become entangled (not saying you are there yet) with a married man and are unable to let the relationship go. So is it possible for your best guy friend to be a married man and that be OK? Yes. However, if you are his best girl friend then I think that could be a big problem.